Ad for a New Product

Are you tired of the boring old products and services that you're expected to pay for with your hard-earned dollar? Do you find it hard to maintain an indulgent lifestyle with the rising cost of living? Are you tired of being told to spend money you don’t have to keep the economy afloat, as if it’s your responsibility?

Well, have we got the product for you: Nothing! That’s right, good old-fashions nothing at all! Nada, zip, zero, zilch. A fucking goose egg.*

Unlike things, nothing is easy to use. It has no moving parts and requires no complicated instructions, batteries, or packaging. Nothing is kind to the environment, soft on hands, hypo-allergenic and suitable for vegetarians.

Just think of the many advantages nothing brings:

-No down payment
-No interest
-No monthly fees
-Zero percent financing
-No salesman will call
-No solicitations
-No cancellation fees
-No flyers and no junk mail, which means no sweepstakes and no Ed McMahon
-You will not be entered in a draw where you will not be one of ten lucky winners.

Here are some of nothing’s many useless features: it’s cordless, odorless, unscented, frost-free, sugarless, and seamless. Nothing contains no fat, no calories, no artificial flavors or colors, no preservatives, and no polychlorinated biphenyl tetrahydrazine alkaloids.

Also, you might be surprised to learn that nothing lasts forever, travels faster than the speed of light, and is certain. There's simply nothing like it (except itself).

Even if you don’t act now, nothing will be shipped straight to your door**, with no charges billed to your credit card and no obligation. And remember: if you are not completely satisfied, simply do nothing before the 30-day trial period expires, and you will be refunded the full purchase price, with no red tape and no questions asked.

Nothing: Because without it, there’d be no place to put anything.



(*Offer not valid anywhere.)

(**Please allow six to eight weeks for non-delivery.)